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Oh my, what cant I say about parenting. It’s wonderful, it’s messy, demanding, rewarding, tiresome, and I can go on and on.
You know I don’t ever recall hearing about positive parenting when I was growing up. Or at least in our home if you did something good your parents said “good job” and that was the gist of it.
But now raising our own, I started to branch out and find ways to be a positive parent to our kids. It really can shape their childhood and have an impact on how they feel about themselves.
I’d have to admit I wasn’t the best at positive parenting when our older two girls were younger. I wasn’t a yeller, I grew up in a house where that seemed to be the only tone my mother had.
Kids really know how to push the buttons on their parents, but there is definitely a better way to go about it.
I know I didn’t encourage the girls enough and use more positive reinforcement when they were growing up.
Maybe more towards the end of the teenage years, I got a little better. I have to look at it more like they paved the way for their two younger siblings.
Our younger two do have special needs and definitely need to be raised more gently. This is also probably why I started seeking out different parenting methods.
I really like the principle behind positive parenting and the message it gives our children. This style of parenting is nurturing and a calm way to raise your children.
This way of parenting really works if you feel your children are not listening to you anymore. If you and your child find that you are frustrated with each other.
If you are at your whits end then I encourage you to continue to read. You having nothing to lose.
You may find that this will better the quality time with your children.
What Is Positive Parenting?
So what is positive parenting? It’s when you build a strong relationship by encouraging your children to have mutual communication.
By doing this you are creating self-worth, self-control and the ability to understand the correction if they have bad behavior.
Creating an atmosphere of no yelling you are establishing your children to listen. With this one, I will tell you for most practice make perfect.
But over time the kids will notice and start listening to you. Bad habits are hard to break.
I want to give you a few tips here if you catch yourself yelling or on the verge of.
- Turn away and count to five or maybe even fifteen if you are pretty steamed.
- Sometimes by expressing you are about to lose your cool can sometimes get your kids to listen. I only would use this one as a last resort.
- If you are like me I spend most of my time in the company of my children. Remember to take care of yourself and take some time away from your children.
- Know when to walk away. Don’t engage in conflict with your child.
- Realize nagging doesn’t work. If your child doesn’t want to listen, then they live with the consequences.
You see that yelling devalues the relationship you have with your kids. Making them feel less of themselves.
This will cause them to shut down. Every time they do something wrong they will have a negative response because they think you will yell.
If you are continually trying to get your children to do chores, for example, don’t nag, just let them know beforehand what the consequences will be.
I have issues here and I’m working on it. I don’t follow thru with seeing the consequence play out.
Remember practice makes perfect to becoming a non-yelling parent.
Positive Parenting Solutions For Building Self Esteem
I have a post on building confidence in kids and I’ll link it down below.
Kids really like to help. This makes them feel needed and builds their confidence.
Giving your children regular chores, asking for there opinions, help you cook, or even giving them a few items from your list to find at the store when you are shopping.
Let them do the task you asked them to do. Remember that they are doing it, they probably won’t do it like you.
As long it’s in the ballpark it really doesn’t matter.
Let your children make choices for themselves. As long as they are age-appropriate.
You want to set up them up for good decision making. If you feel they may need to be reined back from a choice they made ask questions.
Sometimes they can’t see if something is going to go wrong. Asking them how they think they would do or feel if the plan doesn’t go their way.
By doing this makes them think through and become a problem solver.
Another positive parenting thing to do is to stop trying to control every aspect of your child’s life. Like I said above, let them make choices that are age-appropriate.
Kids feel a real restraint when you are always being a helicopter parent. Let go of the constant control in your household.
Life will be so much more peaceful.
Punishment is something you want to avoid. I know what you are saying, “how will they learn if there is no punishment for negative behavior.”
By not preaching to them you are allowing them to practice their skills about judgment. I mean depending on age, the negative experience is bad enough.
As a positive parent you don’t say “I told you so,” “Or you should have listened to me.”
This really does damage to their self-confidence and is not a positive experience.
Here are some great recommendations for some books. I love American Girl Books!
Are You Ready To Be A Positive Parent
I think learning a new parenting style in the middle of already half-raised kids can be tough. But as I said before if what you are doing isn’t working then try something else.
Consistency is a must when you are trying to change bad habits. By just applying one positive parenting solution at a time will make it easier.
Remember you can’t control everything. Know your weaknesses.
I would let them learn from their consequences and also don’t yell if they make a bone head mistake. Kids are going to make mistakes.
This is how they learn to navigate this world. Just think as it this way. Wouldn’t you rather they learn from those mistakes while they are in the safety of your home.
Also, remember that the whole outcome is to bring up wise and good decision making adults.
I want my kids to grow up being thoughtful with their thoughts and feelings. To make good choices and to be a self-confident adult.
I think you will find by being a positive parent you will be at ease and will have a peaceful home. Oh yeah and a much calmer mom.
Who doesn’t need or want that!
Here are a few other posts that contribute to positive parenting:
I really hope you found this post to be a start to finding some peace in motherhood. I would love to hear from you and you can drop me a comment in the comment section.
You can also sign up to be on my email list and I only email if there is a new post I would like to suggest.
Domestic Engineer Mom